Are You A Genuine Person? (Practical Steps To Become More Authentic)
What does it mean to be authentic? In a world of expectations, it's easy to lose sight of who we are. Many of us struggle with how to be genuine, hiding parts of ourselves for fear of judgment. But what if being genuine could set you free?
If you’re wondering how to be more authentic, read on to explore what this means and why it might be the key to unlocking the truest version of who you are.
Why Do We Struggle to Be Authentic?
From a young age, we look for approval and try to avoid standing out for fear of being rejected. We live behind a mask and forget how to be authentic. Many of us fear that being authentic will be too much for others to accept.
Various things make it difficult to embrace an authentic life:
Societal expectations - The predefined roles that society has set upon us can prevent us from expressing who we are.
Fear of rejection - Many people feel they may be rejected if they show who they are.
Low self-esteem - They may doubt that they are worthy and present a version of themselves that is deemed more palatable.
Perfectionism - They believe that they need to be perfect to be accepted.
Social media - We compare ourselves to others and fear that we won’t be enough.
External Pressures and Expectations
External pressures significantly influence how we perceive ourselves and interact with others. Societal norms often dictate the behaviors and values that are deemed acceptable, whilst cultural expectations can reinforce these pressures and discourage our authenticity.
With constant exposure to social media, it’s easy to begin feeling inadequate or insecure, and we can end up sacrificing our authentic selves for likes and approval.
One study from 2016 found that increased social media use leads to dissatisfaction with body image due to constant comparisons. Another study published by Oxford Academic reported that 90% of young adults say that social media use affects their self-perception.
Internal Fear of Rejection
Our fear of being judged often holds us back from expressing who we are. Imagine someone who hides their love of gaming because they fear being judged as immature or wasting time. Despite the joy it brings to them, they worry that being their authentic self, meaning honoring who they are, will lead to rejection.
This fear originates from a deep need to be accepted by others. Over time, this creates a conflict between seeking approval and living authentically, leaving a person feeling disconnected from who they are. Author Brené Brown speaks of this struggle in her book The Gifts of Imperfection, saying, “Staying vulnerable is a risk we have to take if we want to experience connection.”
The Benefits of Living Authentically
When you live true to yourself, you gain confidence and a stronger sense of self-acceptance. This helps build stronger, more genuine connections with others. Authentic people no longer feel the need to seek approval, leading to a deeper sense of fulfillment and happiness.
Personal Benefits
Living authentically has a powerful impact on our emotional and mental health. You may experience:
Increased self-esteem - Research shows that authenticity is closely linked with higher levels of self-esteem.
Greater happiness - Psychologist Carl Rogers emphasized that authenticity is essential for personal growth and happiness.
Increased emotional well-being - Authentic living reduces anxiety and stress, contributing to overall emotional health.
Stronger relationships - Being authentic helps you build deeper, more meaningful connections with others.
Professional Benefits
Authenticity encourages open communication and a more positive workplace culture, especially when leaders demonstrate this from the top down. Leaders like Satya Nadella of Microsoft are known for embracing authenticity, which has not only boosted employee morale but helped transform company culture.
How to Be More Authentic in Your Daily Life
To become more authentic in your daily life, start by embracing who you are. Here are some practical tips to get you started:
Reflect on your values
Spend time journaling or meditating on what matters most to you. When making decisions, ask yourself if they align with your core values.
Practice self-awareness
Throughout the day, check in with how you're feeling. Notice when you aren’t acting authentically and choose a different path.
Set boundaries
Whether it’s turning down things that don’t match your interests or putting your well-being first, give yourself permission to say no.
Be more honest and open
Sharing feelings with people you trust builds deeper, more genuine connections.
Aligning Actions with Values
Whether at home or work, aligning our daily thoughts, words, and actions with our core values is essential for staying authentic. Here are some quick tips to help you align your actions with your values:
Understand your values
Identify what truly matters to you like kindness or honesty, and make choices that align with those beliefs.
Check-in with yourself daily
Each day, take a moment to reflect on your actions and choices to see if they align with your values. Are you making mindful choices that fit with who you are?
Surround yourself with the right people
Being around positive, supportive people encourages you to be yourself and stay true to your beliefs. Look for connections that provide a positive influence on your life.
Embracing Vulnerability
Vulnerability allows us to make meaningful connections and inspires others to open up too. As Brené Brown, a leading expert on vulnerability, says, “Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity, and change.”
By sharing our true selves, we invite others to engage with us on a more meaningful level, strengthening relationships and building trust. Vulnerability becomes a powerful way for us to connect with authenticity in every part of our lives.
Signs You Are Living Authentically
Living an authentic life means being true to yourself and your values. An authentic person, meaning someone who aligns their actions with their beliefs, is not swayed by external pressures or the need for approval. Here are some key signs of authenticity in a person:
They know what their values are - An authentic being makes decisions based on what’s truly important to them.
They are comfortable in their skin - They feel at ease being themselves, without the need to pretend.
They form meaningful relationships - The true authentic forms meaningful connections that are honest and real.
They’re self-compassionate - They’re kind to themselves, even when things go wrong.
Staying True to Yourself
Staying true to yourself means trusting your choices and being brave enough to show who you are, no matter what others might think or expect from you. For example, a genuine person may pursue a career in the arts despite family pressure, because it aligns with their passion. Similarly, you might prefer a slower pace of life, even if friends are caught up in their busy worlds, but you stick with what feels right for you.
Embracing Imperfections
To be authentic, we must understand that imperfection is a part of being human. Genuine people are comfortable showing their flaws to the world, recognizing this as part of their identity.
Various famous figures have spoken out about embracing flaws. An example is Emma Watson, an actress and UN Women Goodwill Ambassador, who spoke about self-acceptance and the importance of allowing yourself to be imperfect.
Here are some ways you can learn to embrace your imperfections:
Practice self-compassion - Be kind to yourself, especially when you make mistakes.
Change your mindset - Concentrate on your growth, rather than having to be perfect.
Celebrate what makes you different - Own your uniqueness.
Overcoming the Fear of Authenticity
To overcome the fear of being authentic, it's important to accept that not everyone will approve, but living authentically leads to stronger, more genuine connections and personal freedom. Taking small steps toward vulnerability can help overcome the fear of being judged and lead to personal growth.
Building Self-Confidence
Building self-confidence is a huge part of being able to show your true self. Here are some quick tips to help you begin:
Focus on your strengths
Make a list of your skills, talents, and things you're proud of. Recognizing what you're good at builds self-worth.
Reframe negative thoughts
Replace self-doubt with positive affirmations. Remind yourself that mistakes are part of growth.
Set yourself small goals
Focus on small, achievable goals to help boost confidence and give a sense of accomplishment.
Step out of your comfort zone
Trying something new expands your comfort zone and can increase your self-belief.
Letting Go of External Validation
Many of us look for validation from others. This could be in the form of praise, approval from friends, or acknowledgment on social media. When we rely on external validation, it can limit our self-worth. Learning to trust and value yourself can help you to feel emotionally stronger and strengthen your sense of identity.
Here are some journaling prompts and exercises to try:
Reflection exercise
List 3 recent situations where you looked for external approval. For each one ask yourself:
What did I want to achieve?
Why did I feel I needed it?
How did it affect my self-esteem?
Recognize recent successes
What are 3 things you’ve done recently that you’re proud of?
How does it feel to validate yourself without waiting for others?
Create affirmations
Begin by writing down a list of positive things you would like others to say about you. E.g. “You’re capable” or “You did a great job.”
Then create a set of affirmations that you can use daily. These could include:
"I am enough, just as I am."
"I trust my judgment and decisions."
"I am proud of the effort I put into everything I do."
Authenticity vs. People Pleasing
Authenticity and people-pleasing are two very different ways to live your life. Authenticity means being true to yourself and making choices based on your values and beliefs. It leads to positive self-esteem and genuine relationships, where you show the truth of who you are.
In contrast, people-pleasing involves prioritizing others’ needs and seeking their approval, often at the expense of your desires. This can result in low self-esteem, anxiety, and superficial connections. You can read more about people pleasing in this blog.
Here is a simple diagram to show the main differences between authenticity and people-pleasing and how they overlap:
Breaking the Habit of Pleasing Others
The truth is that when you stop trying to make everyone else happy, you can focus on being true to yourself. Here are some strategies that will help you to break the habit without feeling guilty:
Recognize the triggers
Identify the situations that prompt you to step into people-pleasing behavior and note these down in a journal as they occur.
Get to know your values
Get clear on what matters most to you. This will help you make decisions that align with your authentic self rather than seeking approval from others.
Set boundaries
Get to know what you are comfortable with and then set clear boundaries. For example, your friend may regularly drop by unannounced when you are busy with other commitments. You could set a boundary by telling them that while you appreciate their visits, you need them to call head so you can be prepared. This makes it clear that your time and plans are important, without dismissing your friendship.
Practice authenticity
This could be saying no to going out when you want to rest or sharing your true thoughts and feelings instead of saying what you think others want to hear.
How to Stay Authentic Without Being Rude
Staying true to yourself while being respectful and kind is important. Here are some practical tips to help you express your authentic self without sounding rude:
Be honest but kind
When giving feedback or sharing an opinion, it’s important to be honest while also being kind. Be honest but also constructive, showing respect for them whilst also providing helpful feedback.
Set clear boundaries
When someone asks for more than you’re able to give, it’s ok to say no. You may be able to offer an alternative or explain to them that this isn’t possible right now.
Keep to your values
It’s easier to be yourself when you know what’s important to you. Making sure your actions match this helps you to stay real whilst respecting others.
Be an active listener
When someone is talking, really pay attention, even when you disagree. This shows that you care and that you’re willing to listen to their point of view.
Validate others’ feelings
When someone is upset, you can acknowledge and validate their feelings by showing empathy and understanding.
Balancing Honesty with Tact
Finding the right balance between being honest and being polite is key to keeping good relationships. Here are some simple tips to help you be genuine without sounding rude:
Think about the other person
Consider how they may be feeling. Adjusting your message can help ensure things stay respectful.
Choose the right moment
Share your thoughts at a good time. Avoid bringing up sensitive stuff when emotions are high.
Share your feelings
Use “I” statements to focus on how you are feeling instead of placing blame.
Be honest and helpful
Share specific suggestions that are constructive rather than just pointing out problems. For example, “Maybe we could try a different restaurant next time” instead of saying “This place is awful.”
Practical Scenarios
Here are some common scenarios where you might need to balance honesty with respect:
You disagree with a friend
When a friend shares an opinion you disagree with, approach the situation with tact. Try saying, “I see where you’re coming from, but I have a different perspective.”
Declining a social invitation
When you want to decline an invitation, be honest but with kindness. E.g. “Thanks for inviting me, but I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed at the moment and need to rest. Could we catch up another time?”
Giving constructive feedback
Perhaps you need to give feedback on a work project. You could say, “I appreciate the effort you put into this. To make it even better, we could try…”
Embracing Authenticity in Every Aspect of Life
Embracing authenticity can positively influence all aspects of life, strengthening personal relationships and boosting professional success. By staying true to who you are, you create more meaningful and rewarding experiences.
To continue exploring how to live authentically, tune in to the Gareth Michael podcast for deeper insights. Be sure to subscribe and join the journey toward a more authentic life!
