Why Is It So Hard to Let Go?
Letting go can feel like one of life’s toughest challenges. Whether you’re letting go of a person, something from the past, or a version of yourself, we often find ourselves resisting the process and holding on even when it causes us pain. Why is letting go so hard, even when we know we need to?
In this article, Gareth Michael, an experienced coach and author, explains why letting go is challenging. With real-life insights and advice, Gareth breaks down why letting go feels so heavy, and how to make things a little easier. If you’re looking for answers to questions such as ‘Why is it hard to let go of someone?’, or ‘Why is it so hard to let go of things?’ This article will help you understand why letting go is hard and how to make it easier.
3 Reasons It’s So Hard To Let Go
Letting go is something almost everyone struggles with at some point and the process of moving on can feel tough. Our thoughts, emotions, and even how our brain is wired all play a part in why we find it tricky to let go. Here are three reasons why letting go feels hard for many of us:
1. You’re clinging on to the past
Whether it’s a memory, a person, or how things used to be, the past can feel more comfortable than facing the unknown. But why is it so hard to let someone go? The past may not make us happy anymore but it feels familiar. Perhaps we wish we could do things differently, but going over the past only serves to keep us stuck and stop us moving forward.
When we focus too much on the past, we miss out on the present and future. When you choose to let someone go, it doesn’t mean forgetting the past, it just means accepting what has happened in the past and giving yourself the chance to experience something new by moving forward. By doing this, you give yourself the chance to experience life more fully.
Ready to break free from the past? Dive into The Expert Guide to Letting Go of The Past.
2. You’re scared of the future
Another reason it can be hard to let go is when we worry about or fear the future. The unknown can cause us lots of anxiety, and fear of the unknown often makes us hold on tight to what we know, even when it’s not very good for us.
But why is it hard to let go, even when we know the past wasn’t good for us? When we don’t know what’s ahead and things feel uncertain, it’s easy to feel scared and wonder if things will get better, or even whether they might get worse. Thinking about the past can give us something to hold on to when it feels too overwhelming to think about the future.
Although staying in the past might feel safe and comforting, eventually we may find ourselves feeling held back. This can make it hard for us to grow and experience new opportunities. It can feel challenging to let go, but by doing this, we will begin to trust in the unknown of the future, knowing that this is where new possibilities and growth will be found.
3. Your ego is taking control
Our ego often causes us to hold on to parts of our past that no longer benefit us. That part of ourselves doesn’t want to let go of what was because it might feel like failure. But the reality is that holding on to the past can significantly hold us back from personal growth and becoming the best version of ourselves.
Curious about how your ego might be holding you back? Learn more in What Is Ego? 5 Steps to Free Yourself From It.
Some people hold on to their past successes, reminiscing about their best days. Others find it impossible to let go of mistakes they’ve made or chances they didn’t take, constantly looking back instead of moving forward.
Holding grudges is another way we stop ourselves from moving forward. The more we replay what happened in the past, the more it controls what we experience now. Instead of healing our past wounds, we carry that anger with us and allow it to shape our reality and who we are.
It can feel scary to let go of what’s comfortable and step into something new. But when our focus is on what’s happened in the past, we miss what might be in the future.
Want to discover why ‘letting go’ can transform your life? Explore The Importance of the Power of Letting Go.
5 Techniques To Help You Let Go
The process of letting go isn’t always easy. Whether it’s past mistakes, missed opportunities or painful memories, holding on can feel like the easier option, even when it’s weighing you down. Learning to release what no longer serves you can give you freedom, as it opens the door for growth and new possibilities. Here are five techniques to help you let go:
1. Practice acceptance
One of the biggest steps in letting go is learning acceptance. The past can’t be changed, no matter how much we focus on it, so when we learn to accept what has already happened, we stop wasting our energy, and start focusing on what’s next. Acceptance is about finding freedom and the more you develop this skill, the easier it becomes to move forward.
Here are some useful ways to practice acceptance:
Acknowledge our feelings
We can learn to acknowledge our feelings by recognizing them without judgment. For example, saying “I feel hurt and that’s okay” instead of ignoring or judging ourselves.
Try mindfulness
Practices such as mindfulness, meditation or deep breathing can help us to stay present instead of getting lost in the past. Ready to calm your mind and stay present? Discover What Is Mindfulness Meditation.
Journaling
Journaling can help you process what has happened in the past and find peace with it. You could try focusing on what you can and can’t control, which will give you a sense of acceptance.
Repeat affirmations
Spend time repeating simple reminders to yourself such as "I accept what I cannot change" can shift your mindset over time to a state of acceptance.
2. Stay grounded
When you’re stuck in the past, you miss what’s happening in the present moment, and don’t fully experience life as it is. Staying grounded helps bring your focus back to the present, making it easier to let go and move forward. If you’re not sure how to do this, here are some useful ways to stay grounded:
Use your senses - look around and name things you see, hear, smell or feel. Touch something textured, take a deep breath, or sip a warm drink. These small actions help bring you back to the moment.
Try deep breathing - try slow, deep breaths. Inhale for a count of four, hold, then exhale for four. This calms your mind and keeps you present.
Move your body - stretch, take a walk, or do something active. Focusing on movement helps pull your attention away from thinking about the past.
Focus on simple tasks - washing the dishes, doodling or sitting outside in the fresh air can keep you connected to life’s everyday moments.
3. Be realistic
Sometimes we set unrealistic expectations for ourselves, whether it’s thinking life should have gone a certain way or believing we should be getting everything right and perfect. When things don’t go as planned, it’s easy to get stuck looking back instead of moving forward. Being realistic means setting goals that are achievable and allowing yourself to grow at your own pace. Here are some ways to set realistic goals:
Take small steps - if a big goal feels overwhelming, break it into smaller, more manageable tasks, which will help you to see your progress.
Let go of what you think should be - learn to accept where you are right now, instead of comparing your life to what you think it should be. This will help you to move forward and focus on what you can do next.
Expect setbacks - growth is never linear; there will be ups and downs along the way. Setbacks are not failures, they are simply part of the growth process.
Celebrate progress - acknowledge the wins, no matter how small. Slow steps forward are better than staying stuck.
4. Let your thoughts out
Keeping our emotions inside can leave us holding onto negative feelings for longer than we need to. When we don’t express our thoughts, this can leave us feeling stressed and carrying emotional baggage. You might find it helpful to share how you’re feeling with friends and family, or even find support groups via social media.
One powerful way to process and release these thoughts is through journaling. Writing down your emotions allows you to process them, helping you to find clarity and perspective. This also creates space in your mind, making it easier to let go of anything you’ve been holding onto.
This could become a daily habit or something you turn to during overwhelming moments, but either way it can be a valuable tool for your emotional and mental health. Try setting aside a few minutes each day to write freely and see how it can help to lighten your mental load.
Looking for a powerful way to process your thoughts? Check out the Benefits of Journaling.
5. Embrace spirituality
Spirituality can help you to release what no longer serves you and become more in-tune with yourself. By connecting with your spiritual side, you become more present and learn to release what no longer serves you.
One way to embrace spirituality is through meditation. Mindfulness meditation is a type of meditation that encourages you to focus on the present moment, rather than placing your attention in the past or future. Practicing stillness and awareness teaches you to observe your thoughts without judgment, making it easier to let go.
Another useful technique is spiritual therapy, which combines traditional healing and spirituality to help people work through emotional blocks. This can include energy healing, guided visualization, or working with a spiritual mentor to find deeper meaning and peace. Looking for holistic support on your journey? Learn more about Spiritual Therapy with Gareth.
One simple way to begin on your spirituality journey is through mindfulness meditation:
Find a quiet space and get comfortable.
Focus on your breath - begin inhaling deeply and then exhaling slowly.
Let your thoughts flow - observe them without judgment.
Be consistent with your practice - start with 5 minutes a day and gradually increase this.
Want to deepen your spiritual side? Find out What Is Spirituality? in our beginner’s guide.
Begin your spiritual journey towards letting go with Gareth Michael
Letting go can be both challenging and transformative. Whether it’s letting go of old habits, past relationships, or painful memories, we must be willing to let go of what no longer serves us, even when we may resist this, so that we can move forward and experience true healing.
Often we can be held back by an attachment to the past, a fear of the future and even by our ego-driven attachments. Understanding why it’s hard to let go is the first step towards moving forward.
Practicing acceptance can help to free ourselves from the emotional weight we carry, and techniques such as mindfulness, meditation and journaling can help us to process emotions, become more present, and fully experience the here and now.
Embracing spirituality can help you to connect with the deepest parts of yourself, providing guidance and inner peace as you learn to let go of what’s no longer serving you. When practiced with consistency and patience, these techniques offer a great foundation for your healing and transformation.
To continue deepening your understanding and practice, tune into Gareth’s podcast Practical Spirituality, where he shares his expertise on mindfulness, personal growth and spiritual techniques. During this episode, Gareth discusses the role that control plays in our lives:
For more insights and guidance, you can tune into Practical Spirituality on the following platforms:
